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1st and foremost OUTSTANDING DIRECTION! The lighting, the setting, the script, the acting; OUT-F*CKING-STANDING.

2nd: DO NOT BRING YOUR CHILDREN TO THIS FILM! This is by far is the darkest, most violent DC movie there is. It’s a nod to the director to say there’s not one moment as the viewer that you feel completely comfortable with what’s happening on the screen.

Joaquin Phoenix absolutely crushes this role. He didn’t just knock it out the park: he flipped the bat, gave the crowd the finger and moonwalked into home base. …

(sigh)…goddammit Hollywood

Ok, so this is not a good movie, its not a terrible movie; its an action movie. And if you just look at it as purely an action movie, its not bad. But its not good either. Its just…well directed?

Elevator Pitch: Its 6 Underground, except these special forces people can’t die…until the can. Charlize Theron’s character is older than fucking gunpowder…literally. And we’re supposed to believe this chick and her band of near-immortal merry men were fighting in the CRUSADES???

If you’d like to know more, I don’t blame you. Kinda sounds like a new shot at Highlander. But…

Tarantino made it all the way thru a film without saying n*gga! …He still spent waaay too much screentime on feet tho.

Ok, so here’s the good news: its a Tarantino film at its most Tarantino film, so there’s gonna be a phenomenal cast, beautiful soundtrack, gorgeous cinematography, and a surprise of some sort. Bad news: Its a Tarantino film at its most Tarantino film: so there’s gonna be barefoot closeups of feet, a weird old guy young chick dynamic, and someone’s gonna say nigga for no apparent reason.

Once Upon A Time in Hollywood is like The Last Black…

Holy FUCK this was a good movie! I see why it won the Oscar. I’m gonna knock a few points off for it making me read so much but dammit this was a good-ass film!

Parasite follows the story of a poor family of con-artists (The Kims) that maneuver their way into a rich family’s household (The Parks) as the help. In fact, this is the Korean version of The Help…except their shit-pie is waaaaaaay more than a prank.

The story follows the Kim’s son as the protagonist. They are dirt poor; I mean, subterranean. Like, literally. This movie is…

Kill me now.

I’m just gonna get straight to the point: this is the WORST movie I’ve ever not walked out of. The premise, the writing, the cast, everything sucks. If you’ve never seen this film, CONGRATULATIONS! You’ve experienced the best possible outcome. I saw this movie around 7 years ago with my then-gf and I almost left her for suggesting it.

The Spring Breakers is a film about 3 girls who steal money to go on spring break. Then they do, and for about 20min the film is just basically the 90’s MTV on Rock N Jock weekend; which…

Test Your Maybe

Elevator Pitch: Remember Godzilla Vs Kong? Same script, replace Kong with Goro, and we gotta movie!

Full disclosure; I was excited as hell to watch this movie. I popped popcorn, bought peanut M&M’s and Gummi bears, and had a full movie night experience in honor of its release. Even as I type this I can hear the old Mortal Kombat 1995 score playing in my head. And that film from 26 years ago was awesome! Don’t get me wrong, its a BAD film. Its corny, its contrived, and its completely nonsensical. But 12 year old me loved…

Justice Has Been Served.

I don’t know if it’s Joss Whedon, Warner Bros. brass, or some combination of the two who are at fault for the ORIGINAL version…or at least the first shitty movie I saw of the Justice League, but they need to be fired. If they’re working on another project, fire them from that. If they’re not working, raise their taxes or something. Seriously, I need to know that punitive actions were taken on whoever decided NOT to trim about, lets say…45min out of the Snyder Cut and release that. …

I guess we’ll be going down together.

Elevator Pitch: Ok, so it’s like if the Major League movies had Bad Santa playing the role of legendary baseball announcer Bob Ueker.

First things first: Brockmire is a morbidly dark comedy about a man at the end of his rope. Jim Brockmire is a former MLB announcer trying to come back from having an on-air meltdown about finding his wife pegging their next door neighbor. He’s drunk, high, crass, vulger, and ultimately wants to die. This show is all about drugs, sex, and sports.

You had me at hello.

Now, this isn’t…

That’s No Moon…

Ok, bad news first: this game is glitchy as hell. I have it on PC thru Steam and I’m honestly thinking of just shelling out another $39.99 to get it on a different platform. I’ve been trying to troubleshoot a lag issue that permeates during Fleet Battles for the first 1–4 min. And I’m not sure if its the V-sync, my Bluetooth controller, or what. That whole process has been a pain in the ass. Also, the storyline isn’t very engaging. Makes for a great, extended tutorial for the game because there’s a STEEP learning curve. And…

Cory Showtime

Comedian, actor, writer, gamer, lover, fighter, foodie, and all-around handsome fella.

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